Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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