it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
