I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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