sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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