Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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