last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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