Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
