tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
