is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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