I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
