I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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