actually, I'm a sock model
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
