hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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