What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
