I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
