...so i touched it.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
