Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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