i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
