Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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