Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
