You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
