Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
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she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
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I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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