New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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