You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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