so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
