So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
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He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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