when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
