come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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