I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
