On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So I just went to clothing optional bar
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
