East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
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