I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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