is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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