I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
