Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
True strength comes from lack of pants
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
