You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
