I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
BRING THE BAGELS
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
