i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
