I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
