Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
