I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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