he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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