Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Text me some of your sweat
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize