I think i peed on brittanys purse
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
