why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
