i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
