I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
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I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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