i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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