I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
