Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
