I didn't shave. On purpose
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
