Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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