Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
