But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
