I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
