FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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