I feel like I'm in dance class right now
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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