carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
