dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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