he wants to bone in the snuggie
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
