I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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