And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
