i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
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