It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We're too hungover to prance.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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