Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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