saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
