i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
