dude i'm inner monologue high
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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