They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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