So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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