So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
