Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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