eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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